Match Madness – Part I

I pay good money for my online dating site to match me with compatible candidates with whom I could feasibly enter into a successful dating relationship. However, over the past month, instead of communicating with my matches, I have kept a continually refreshed Top 20 list of the most ridiculous profile pictures of men I have actually been matched with.

For your viewing pleasure, ladies and gentlemen, may I present:

#20. Probably not your most flattering angle…

Bad angle#19. Either lost and confused or a mouth-breather. No thanks.
Mouth Breather
#18. One does not simply… date someone twice your age.
Once does not simply
#17. I can’t decide if this is hot or creepy.
Beard
#16. Ah, selfies.
Selfie
#15. Is this supposed to be sexy? Flirtatious? Just plain weird?
Tongue
#14. Why? Just… why? Do you not have any photos of yourself without a highlighter in your mouth?
Mouth
#13. I always wanted to date the leprechaun version of Yosemite Sam.
Mustache
#12. Are you golfing or getting ready for lift off?
Golf
#11. Oh dear. You are entirely too excitable.
Excited
#10. Is that supposed to attract me to you?
Muscles
#9. Yes, your dentist does great work. Now please close your lips.
Teeth
#8. I am really frightened right now.
Frightened
#7. Nice hair, Fabio.
Fabio
#6. Ah yes, I love the smell of limes in the morning.
Limes
#5. Oh, rednecks… there’s one in every bunch.
Redneck
#4. Half of San Francisco would attack my blog with angry comments if I asked the obvious question about this one.
Limp Wrists
#3. Does he realize this is a dating site?
Player
#2. So, when you say “girlfriend”, what you mean is getaway driver.
Robber
#1. I have no words.
Riding
Authentically Aurora
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6 thoughts on “Match Madness – Part I

  1. well now I don’t feel so bad. My bar was so high that i got no replies on match.com and that’s fine because the place was rift with female model shills back when I checked them out. I guess none of them knew the difference between the astral plane and a Boeing 747. *L*

    Like

  2. This post was hilarious! I’m not sure if that’s what you were really going for here, but it was! I feel bad this is your dating life, but it seems you have a great sense of humor about it! I have a single girlfriend on some dating sites and from time to time she gives me these kinds of updates. Keep going and keep posting!!

    Like

  3. Pingback: Match Madness – Part II | Authentically Aurora

  4. Pingback: Match Madness – Part III | Authentically Aurora

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