I pay good money for my online dating site to match me with compatible candidates with whom I could feasibly enter into a successful dating relationship. However, over the past month, instead of communicating with my matches, I have kept a continually refreshed Top 20 list of the most ridiculous profile pictures of men I have actually been matched with.
For your viewing pleasure, ladies and gentlemen, may I present:
#20. Probably not your most flattering angle…
#19. Either lost and confused or a mouth-breather. No thanks.
#18. One does not simply… date someone twice your age.
#17. I can’t decide if this is hot or creepy.
#16. Ah, selfies.
#15. Is this supposed to be sexy? Flirtatious? Just plain weird?
#14. Why? Just… why? Do you not have any photos of yourself without a highlighter in your mouth?
#13. I always wanted to date the leprechaun version of Yosemite Sam.
#12. Are you golfing or getting ready for lift off?
#11. Oh dear. You are entirely too excitable.
#10. Is that supposed to attract me to you?
#9. Yes, your dentist does great work. Now please close your lips.
#8. I am really frightened right now.
#7. Nice hair, Fabio.
#6. Ah yes, I love the smell of limes in the morning.
#5. Oh, rednecks… there’s one in every bunch.
#4. Half of San Francisco would attack my blog with angry comments if I asked the obvious question about this one.
#3. Does he realize this is a dating site?
#2. So, when you say “girlfriend”, what you mean is getaway driver.
#1. I have no words.