Secrets to Getting Asked Out

I have girl friends who tease me all the time about how often I get hit on. But then those same girl friends turn around and ask me how I do it.

It boggles my mind that I – the shy, math club nerd in high school – am the girl who gets asked out at the gas station and the grocery store. Over the past two months, I’ve had an average of one first date/week. A lot of times, I don’t even understand it myself. I’m a pretty girl, but I am by no means the most gorgeous girl out there. So what’s the secret? Here are a few tips from personal experience:

1. Dress for Success

This doesn’t mean being scantily clad or wearing tons of makeup. In fact, a lot of guys prefer the natural look. Ultimately, you attract the kind of guys you dress for. If you want one night stands, dress like a one night stand kind of girl. I personally am a modest dresser because I am looking for a respectful, Christian man who is husband material. And apparently my jeans-and-blouse attire is working for me.

Your outfits themselves actually don’t matter that much. All I mean by “Dress for Success” is: Take care of yourself. Brush your teeth. Accessorize a bit if you want to. Look put together. Stand tall, with your shoulders back. Carry yourself with dignity and confidence. Smile. All of that goes a long way in drawing attention because, honestly, it’s rare to find a woman who carries herself with genuine self respect and elegance. Forget the three inch heels and dress in a way that makes you feel comfortable and allows your true personality to shine through.

2. Exude Confidence and Kindness

I mentioned this a bit in “Dress for Success”, but confidence has an indescribably magnetic effect on guys. A woman who carries herself with confidence (and kindness!) will be a head-turner almost no matter what she looks like. Slender, curvy, blonde, brunette – it all goes out the window when a woman is secure in who she is and exhibits positive personality traits because we really can be more physically attracted to people based on their personalities.

False confidence isn’t as effective as a true sense of self worth, so if this is a growth area for you, take some time to reflect and learn to love yourself well. “So Long Insecurity” is a great book that helped me a lot with self esteem.

3. Express Interest in Others

Sometimes all it takes is one moment of courage to break the ice. Maybe you notice the emblem on his T-shirt and realize that you went to the same school. Maybe you’re both in the condiments aisle trying to find the best brand of mustard. Wherever you are, there is always an opportunity to strike up a conversation. You don’t have to ask the guy out (in fact, I’d advise against it), but if you make a small offhand comment, you open the door of opportunity for him to further the conversation. And people love to talk about themselves, so ask his opinion on something. “What do you think – spicy brown or regular yellow mustard?”

Here are some examples of first date opportunities from just tonight:

1. Dress for Success

I went to a college football tailgating event and wore unique overalls with my school’s colors stitched all over them. It took some boldness to wear them, but I decided to be brave and a bit out of my comfort zone, and I got multiple compliments on them. They were an easy conversation starter and definitely won me some attention from all sorts of people ranging from grandmas (“I love that stitching!”) to – yes – cute boys (“Cool overalls”).

2. Exude Confidence and Kindness

There was singing and chanting involved in tonight’s festivities, and it would have been easy to be a wallflower, but instead, I joined right in. I embraced being silly and vulnerable, and since I was owning it, a guy in his early thirties opened up and joined in, and we stumbled through songs together, helping each other with the words. It was a bonding experience.

3. Express Interest in Others

When I took a break to head to the restroom, I was in line behind an attractive man carrying a tripod. As a photographer myself, I gestured to his tripod and asked him, “Do you know if they charge fees for doing portrait photography at this park?” I asked him about his (obvious) hobby, and we struck up an easy conversation. We didn’t end up exchanging business cards, but we easily could have. All it took was one question to get the conversation going.

I hope this helps! What other advice would you offer as tips for getting asked out? Guys, feel free to join in!

Authentically Aurora