If I live a few more hours, I can honestly say that I survived 2014! …barely. I’m certainly worse for wear, but I am far more healed than I thought I would be at this point. Then again, in the last 48 hours, two different people have told me that they are praying for healing for me on a daily basis. Apparently my emotional wounds are still more obvious than I would like to believe. Nevertheless, I feel more whole this week than I have in a long time.
It’s funny the things that patch our hearts back together – my parents’ dog, for one. I wasn’t an animal person for the first couple decades of my life, but that sweet German shepherd just loves me unconditionally. He is always happy, always cheerful, always loving. And he’s soft and fuzzy and cuddly. He softens my rough edges and makes me kinder and gentler. Love has that effect on the heart of a woman.
And Bryan. He’s good for me. He draws out of me the heart I’ve been given, rather than the heart I choose to show the world in order to protect myself. His eyes cut straight to my soul. Bryan sees me as I am. And he meets me where I am. There is something intensely frightening and intensely comforting about being around a man who is simultaneously so perceptive and so compassionate.
Being with family for Christmas was healing, too. I got to snuggle with my brother while he played video games, just like we used to do as kids. In talking with my dad and hugging my mom, I know that I am loved. I may not always be loved by the ones I would choose for myself, but as 2014 draws to a close, I know beyond the shadow of a doubt that I am loved, and that makes all the difference.