Conflicted – Part I: CONFESSION

I think I need to break up with Bryan. But I’m not sure. I’ve never been the one to end a relationship before, and, come to think of it, I’m not even sure we need to have a break up conversation since he never agreed to be my boyfriend anyway. We’ve just been dating for five months. Mostly exclusively. Without the labels of exclusivity or boyfriend/girlfriend.

I see so much potential in him – he’s a smart man (member of Mensa), a godly man (has led multiple mission trips to Thailand), a wealthy man (getting ready to retire this summer at age 36) and an adventurous man (has traveled the world) who is always seeking to have new experiences. Life with Bryan is exciting and thrilling. He challenges and stimulates me intellectually in ways that no other man does. But he can’t penetrate my heart or emotions. Well, maybe he could. He doesn’t really try. At least, not in ways that are visible to me.

I’m an external processor. I need to write out my conflicting thoughts and emotions. I need to share them to process them and admit they are real. If you reply, please be kind. I am vulnerable right now.

Authentically Aurora

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6 thoughts on “Conflicted – Part I: CONFESSION

  1. It’s hard when you’re unsure whether to stay with someone, or leave that someone. It’s harder when you’re not sure where you stand in the relationship at times (as you stated by saying your dating without the label).
    A suggestion, which you don’t need to follow, but maybe it would be a good idea to really write out everything you like and dislike about Bryan? Perhaps there is a part of you that is struggling to understand all the facts. Or maybe there are other things about the relationship that you crave or perhaps there is something not meeting your needs. Not just that you believe “he can’t penetrate [your] heart or emotions.” maybe it’s something else.
    Something must be bothering you to consider breaking up right?
    I’ll be praying for you and hopefully all will turn out well in the end.

    Like

  2. Must be hard to be an external processor. I am totally an internal one. Whenever I had a date that kind of didn’t go well or had a “talk” about break up or moving to the next level, I always went home and did something mindless, watch TV, exercise, video games or just sat on my bed and stared into space. I would offer advice, but right now maybe you don’t need it, just someone to sound off on. Let me know if I can give you some sage advice from someone who is a vet at relationships. I’m there for you, A.

    Liked by 1 person

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