Can’t Sleep

I need advice.
Read on for why
And then, perhaps, leave a reply.

Screen Shot 2015-05-30 at 11.41.32 PMI’m frustrated and feeling stuck.
Conflict and angst abound.
Should I break from dating?
There are suitors all around.

My heart still longs for Bryan,
Though my head is raging No.
And two long months have passed
Without much more than a mere hello.

Sweet Jared and the nerdy Grant,
Plus S, G2 and N,
Have all served as distractions
From loneliness rushing in.

But if I’m honest with myself,
I don’t yet see a man
I could see spending forever with
So I begin again.

Then men roll in, the men roll out,
And all I have to show
Is a long trail of broken hearts
And more baggage to tow.

Who gets your vote:
Bryan or the still-elusive Flynn?
Should I give a shot to Jared
Or to Nick the Strict again?

Or has the time come for this Bloggess
To accept her lot
As the first date everybody wants;
Then the girlfriend they forgot?

Perhaps I am a “reason” girl –
Not just single for a time,
But single for a reason
Obvious to all eyes but mine.

I wish I’d found a remedy;
A way to dull the pain
Apart from dating four at once
To feel desirable again.

I know Jesus in the answer,
But He feels so far away.
And I know His timing’s perfect
But sometimes it’s hard to wait.

I think Bryan’s what I want
But maybe Jared’s what I need.
Bryan’s exciting; Jared’s kind…
But kind of boring. Would I mind?

Okay, dear readers. Share your thoughts,
But kind like Jared be.
I welcome your opinions
As I lay bare my heart for all to see.

Authentically Aurora

8 thoughts on “Can’t Sleep

  1. I don’t give advice, but since you asked 🙂 Stop looking, I think that must send a message out into the universe. If you decide that you are going to be single it gives you an aurora of self assurance/confidence and of course it makes you unobtainable. People generally want what they can’t have 😉

    Liked by 1 person

  2. The thing that stands out the most to me in this beautiful poem is the fact that Jesus seems far away. I think that’s the key to all this. Since you’re asking for opinions, I would say take a break from dating, focus on Jesus, take care of your heart, and everything will fall into place. In my own experiences, I found a time of singleness (2 years, I believe) was super helpful. I focused on Jesus and serving others in church and missions. I focused on finding out who I was without someone else in the picture. There were no distractions. I found a special kind of peace during that time. And honestly, I stopped looking for a man :p eventually, when the time was right, Jesus brought the right guy to me. I think He was dealing with both of our hearts and getting us ready for one another.


  3. I’ll tell you this and take it for what you want. I was that way for years, struggling between feast and famine, never finding the right one at the right time. I’d always heard that when you aren’t looking for it, it will finally come. I just couldn’t figure out how to not think of dating and girls because you know, marriage is what the goal is, right? Anyways, after having worked at a job I couldn’t stand and living in a place I didn’t want to anymore, I decided that I wanted to move to San Antonio(mostly because I love the Spurs). So I went down there for a week intent on finding a job, so I quit my job, and let my lease run out. I failed miserably at finding a job and had to tuck my tail to my Grandma’s house, with no job. I was so busy trying to find something else and deciding what to do, that I was distracted for the first time ever from girls since I got home from my mission. I even had a date with another girl the week before that I actually really liked and we got along well. I had met my sister’s roommate (my future wife) and she barely registered a hi from me. Then when I went to a church activity (to see the other girl), I saw my wife playing basketball, so I struck up a hi, not remembering her from a week before. She’s like, “we’ve already met” and I was like how? and she said that she was my sister’s roommate. And it began. Anyways, I never thought it would happen, but that’s how it did. I know he will come for you, it’s just a matter of the right place, right time. Go live your dreams, and don’t think about him and he will come.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Pingback: One Year Blogiversary | Authentically Aurora

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