“It’s easy to fool the eye, but it’s hard to fool the heart.” -Al Pacino
The last time I heard from Nick the Strict, he sent me flowers at the office along with a card reminding me to fix my eyes on Jesus. I want to say that he’s a sweet, Christian man, but he’s one of those guys who speaks fluent Christianese and is always ready with a Jesus Juke.
Basically, when Nick opens his mouth to talk about Jesus, it makes me want to punch him in the face. And I’m a fellow Christian. Jesus Jukes: Just don’t do them, people.
Nick has been texting me on and off for the past few weeks, despite my repeated rejections of his romantic overtures (seeing a theme here, folks?). Two weeks ago, he sent an out-of-the-blue text: “How have you been lately?”
I replied: “Hey! Life is good. How are you?”
Instead of sending a normal I’m-doing-great-thanks response, he wrote back: “Good to hear. God is doing great things. I’m joyful.” See what I mean about the Christianese?
On Tuesday this week, he reached out again, more forward than ever. “Good morning! So when do you want to come by for homemade pizza?”
Considering I have already told him that I’m not interested, he lives 45 minutes north of town, and I wouldn’t want to drive 45 minutes for pizza at the house of a guy I was actually dating… no. But thanks for playing.
“You are persistent, aren’t you?!” I wrote back. Take the hint, dude. Don’t make me spell it out for you again.
“Always looking out for you. My pizza is good – even better than my flowers!” Then another text came through: “Ok wee u there”.
Wee u there? What? …and then another text: “Ignore that last one it was confirmation for a tee time”.
Annoyed, I waited a while to reply, so he tried again: “So are you going to bake dessert? What day?”
Finally, I sent a text back saying, “I’m actually seeing someone, so I don’t think he’d appreciate my coming out to see you. Thanks though.” If he wouldn’t accept my straight-up rejection, maybe his uber godliness would require him to back off if I made reference to one of my other suitors.
Nick’s reply? “Good to hear. I hope he is a godly man. God bless you in Jesus name. May your relationship be filled with joy and gladness.”
Like I said: I want to say he’s a sweet, Christian man. But he seriously needs to find a woman who appreciates Jukes in the name of Jesus.
Authentically Aurora
Authentically Aurora 
Yeah, I think if I wanted a relationship with someone who came with pre-programmed settings, I’d pick up a Speak-and-Spell.
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Zing!!!
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Wow that line he said about God bless you in Jesus name and may your relationship be filled with gladness is way over the top. It’s almost sacreligious to me. But that’s just me.
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That’s how I felt, too – that he was borderline sacrilegious. I think he meant it honestly, but something is off about him… he kind of weirds me out.
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I think you can be open about your religious beliefs, etc and understand all things come from Him, but he seems to be just tossing it around casually and I don’t like that. Plus, he also weirds me out too.
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