Obesely Bitter

According to tumblr, people who are fat are supposed to be happy. “Fat and Happy” – isn’t that how the expression goes?

Well I am Fat and Bitter. Bitter about being fat. And bitter about the caliper test for body fat percentage.

This bitter test has, for two years running, declared me bitterly and morbidly obese. I am not Fat and Happy. I am Obese and Bitter.

This is an actual photo of me. A current photo, not like those eHarmony matches who use old photos from when they were 453982.1 times more attractive.

Pose

Apparently bitter beauty standards really do require the Barbie figure of 39-18-33. I am morbidly and bitterly obese at 34-26-36. Just look at me in all my grotesque chunkiness compared to Barbie’s bitter beauty:

Barbie and Lammily

Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to hit the weight room in order to move from being Bitterly Obese from all of the chocolate that I eat to being Obesely Bitter from all of the weights I have to lift. Like the weight of the world, which I put on my shoulders everyday. Or the sheer bulk of my own morbid obesity. You’d think just walking one step would be enough weight lifting for one day. One small step for man, one giant leap for the morbidly obese Aurora!

AAARRRRGGGHHHHHH

Acerbic Aurora

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9 thoughts on “Obesely Bitter

  1. The day you were born, the doctor told me, “She’s perfect!” I have yet to find a reason to contradict him.

    If God made you in his image then we have a stunningly, breath-takingly, beautiful God. As for the smile, I’ll take credit for that. It cost me a fortune.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I feel ya, sista!

    If it makes you feel better, one likes Barbie… even Ken hates Barbie for being self-absorbed.

    You are genuine, charming, and beautiful. Let your strong morals & principles (and not numbers) dictate how you feel about yourself.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks for the kind words! Fortunately, I wrote most of that post in jest – I know I am beautiful! 😉 But it’s always good to be reminded that it truly is what’s on the INSIDE that counts!!!

      Like

  3. Pingback: London: Motherland of Magic | Authentically Aurora

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