Longing

Longing

I’m officially ready to not be lonely anymore.

Plead that she puts away her adultery and idolatry,
lest I make her like a wilderness; a parched land
and kill her with thirst.

For she went after her lovers for fulfillment.
Therefore, I will hedge up her way with thorns
and build a wall around her so that she cannot find her paths.

She shall pursue her lovers but not overtake them;
She shall seek them but not find them.
She did not know it was I who fulfilled her;
who lavished on her good gifts.

Therefore, I will take back my blessings.
I will put an end to all her mirth
and lay waste to her happiness.
I will punish her for the days she adorned herself
and went after her lovers but forgot all about me, declares the Lord.

Therefore, behold, I will allure her,
and bring her into the wilderness
and speak tenderly to her there.
And there I will return her blessings to her
and make the Valley of Trouble into a Door of Hope.

In that day, declares the Lord,
you will call me your husband and not your master.
I will betroth you to me forever, in righteousness and justice.
I will betroth you to me in faithfulness, in mercy and steadfast love.
(Hosea 2, paraphrased)

I am so sad. I am so lonely.

How long, O Lord? My heart hurts.

AA

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11 thoughts on “Longing

  1. The most bitter tears I cried were lonely and out of fierce frustration. “I’m not the problem here, so why do I have to be alone? I deserve to not be alone. I deserve affection and adoration and admiration, and I’m inexplicably without any of those things.” It didn’t help to think of it as a season, or feel that I should revel in my singleness because “God is all I need.” The pain was searing. It’s how I was created… To be loved, and to love someone with everything in me.
    He’s a lucky man, Aurora. Not many will ever have the love you have to give.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks, Mrs. Spike. Thanks for getting it; for understanding and relating. Thank you for your encouragement; for reminding me of the blessing of being created the way you and I have been created – to love others with everything in us. I feel less alone knowing that you know the heaviness and pain and loneliness that can come with having a heart like ours.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I love the paraphrase–is that your own work?
    I wish I knew the Lord’s plan for you. We both know it’s going to be good, and better than good.
    I wish I could lift at least some of your sorrow and carry it away. J.

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    • Thanks, J. Yes, it’s my own work – it’s what my heart hears when I read Hosea 2.
      I know the Lord’s plan is going to be better than good, but some days it’s harder to believe (and harder to wait) than other days.
      Thanks for believing it for me on the days I struggle to believe that it’s worth the wait; that it’s worth trying to do life God’s way rather than caving to the pattern of the world.

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      • It seems that someone who could form the entire universe in six days wouldn’t need this much time to shape your teammate, but I guess he’s taking his time to make everything right. It is definitely better to trust God’s way; somehow his plan always exceeds what we thought would be good enough. J.

        Like

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