Bo ≠ Beau

PatagoniaDancing is a great way to build relationship skills. Men learn to lead, women learn to follow, people learn to work together and build confidence as they are set free to express themselves, uninhibited by fears about the opinions of others.

In college, I spent most Thursday nights at a swing dancing society on campus, learning to dance East Coast Swing, Charleston and Lindy Hop. We had good, clean fun together, and it was there on the dance floor that I grew in my extroversion and discovered my love for encouraging others.

I occasionally visit a swing dancing studio in the city where I live now, but I don’t go as often as I would like because it’s not as fun to go without a partner. So today on Facebook when I saw that Bo – who just returned from a motorcycling trip around Patagonia – had decided to attend a swing dancing workshop on Saturday, I “liked” his RSVP.

Within a few minutes, Bo sent me a text message: “Are you an experienced swing dancer?”

I smiled in surprise. I hadn’t expected him to send me a message! Maybe he was looking for a dance partner. “I am! Are you?”

“Not at all,” he wrote back, “But it’s one of my 30-before-30 goals.”

“I love that you have a list like that… and that swing dancing made the cut!”

“Have you been to this dance studio before for stuff?” he asked me.

I told Bo that I had, and I explained a few of the class options to him. I wanted to be helpful but also not seem too experienced, because I figured that could be intimidating. And intimidating men is my downfall in dating. Not that I’m trying to date Bo, I told myself. I’m really, really trying not to date this year. Even though Bo is a smart, attractive, kind, athletic, adventurous, confident, godly man.

After I had explained the class structure – and coached myself to stop thinking about dating Bo – he sent me a text message back that made my heart sink: “A friend and I are both looking to learn. She’s interested in Lindy Hop, but I think I need more basics. Though the ultimate goal is to flip her in the air!”

I gave a tight smile as I moved my thumbs to type my response into my phone. “Lindy is my personal favorite, but you’re right; you probably need to learn East Coast first. That will be a fun thing for y’all to do together.”

No reply.

He got what he needed from me.

Now he’s off to dance with someone else.

When I asked God to protect me from myself this year in regards to dating, I only partly wished He would answer. There He goes being all faithful and stuff. [Sigh]

Authentically Aurora

5 thoughts on “Bo ≠ Beau

  1. I clicked “like,” but I’m not sure what I like. I kind of like dancing, but it appears that I have two left feet. I don’t like it that you are disappointed in the way things went, but I like the way you wrote about it so eloquently. As always, thank you for what you wrote. J.


  2. Ugh… I guess it’s not fair to say he should be ashamed for rejecting you, but I’m going to say it anyway. Even though it’s not what he intended, the emotion he touched was something like ditching you in the middle of a dance.

    From experience though, I have to say this: Don’t be afraid of being intimidating, girlfriend. If they can’t handle it, they can’t handle you. Don’t be smaller to make them more comfortable. Be as intimidating as you are and don’t apologize for it. You will probably end up with a lot of “just friends,” but they’ll all be sissies that have no business considering you in their future. The man who needs you is likely crushing a bunch of sissy hearts himself, feeling terrible about it, and wishing you’d show up soon.

    Enjoy just how intimidating you can be! Whoever that sissy-heart-crusher is will have to pick his jaw up off the floor when he catches a glimpse of you.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Oh my gosh… You are amazing. Best pep talk ever!

      Thanks for encouraging me to bring all of myself and not try to seem like less than I am out of fear of intimidating boys who wouldn’t be able to handle all of me in the long run anyway.

      Looking forward to (hopefully) meeting my manly sissy-heart-crusher soon so we can both stop breaking and start building instead.

      Liked by 1 person

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