Yesterday on the drive home from work, I was thinking about all the things I’d have to change if I were a mommy.
While driving in rush hour traffic, I could not scream at the top of my lungs things like, “PEOPLE ARE SO DUMB! I HATE EVERYONE!!!” I would have to learn to use my inside voice. And by that, I mean my inside-the-head voice.
After a long day of work, I wouldn’t be able to wallow by baking cookies and eating them fresh from the oven while binge watching Netflix. I’d have to cook real food like green beans and chicken. And then serve said real food to children and help with homework and things.
I wouldn’t be able to wear my Grumpy Cat shirts around the house – shirts that say things like, “NO” and “I didn’t choose the grumpy life; the grumpy life chose me.” I know this because my niece Lily saw my Grumpy Cat shirt once, looked very upset, and asked me in a trembly voice, “Auntie Aurora, why is your kitty so angry?” At that time, I realized I would have to start buying Unikitty shirts instead. At least then my inner rage could be masked by a sparkly pink and fictitiously cheerful exterior.
And then, as I was parking in my garage, I realized that even if I never find a man who is willing to commit to marry me and subsequently impregnate me, I probably should still change these behaviors. Even if I never morph into momminess. Which sounds like nom-iness. Like nom, nom, nom… cookies… mmm, forget that whole #adulting thing. After all, there are freshly baked cookies at stake!
Don’t forget that sometimes the children are in bed and you are allowed to wear what you want and bake and eat what you want. (If you still have the energy, of course…) J.
Heh. Good to know. So the goal is to salvage some semblance of energy for post-bedtime revelry.
Lmao You can still do all that you just have to have a special hiding spot lol very good read!
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Thanks for the tip! Glad to know there is still hope for cookies and Grumpy Cat post-motherhood! 😉
Just so you know, and I don’t know if this will make you happy or sad, but I have changed very little about myself when I had kids. I still run a blog about bitterness, I still have a grumpy, still yell in traffic, and eat cookies right out of the oven. Okay, maybe I have been a little more responsible, but you don’t have to change who you are, grumpy cat. I recently came to the realization that kids are going to be affected by some things like bullying and see grumpy cats on shirts and see Aunt’s not being perfect. But remember when you were a kid? Do someone always swoop in and protect you when you were getting bullied? Or see something on someone’s shirt that wasn’t kittens and rainbows? No matter what you can never protect your kids from everything and sometimes it is good to let them figure things out on their own. They will end up being better adults for it.
Though, you can still set a good example sometimes too. 🙂
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An excellent point, Bitter Cat. Thanks for the affirmation that I don’t have to change myself to still be an awesome mom (and aunt).
Kids need toughening up. Just like eating dirt is good for building the immune system, seeing Grumpy Cat’s bitter face is good for building character. I like the way you think.
I’m just sayin’ a little disappointment will help them in the long run. But I think you get it.
Yes I get it. Disappointing children (for their ultimate good) is what I do best.