Little Black Book

Punch2I thought going through a season of trials was supposed to make me better. You know, have a refining influence on me and all that. After all, trials develop endurance, which builds character, which strengthens our hope of salvation. “And this hope will not lead to disappointment, for… [God] has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love.”

Hmm… my heart is supposed to be filled with love? Mine must be broken. Grinch-like. Two sizes too small. Because instead of making me a kinder, gentler person, all of these punches that keep coming are just making me a more bitter, cynical person. Instead of making me a sweeter, more compassionate person, the amount of suckiness of 2014 has only resulted in making thicker my book of people I want to punch in the face.

Maybe things get worse before they get better. Maybe I’m still in the anger stage of the grieving process and have yet to get to the final stage of acceptance. Then again, my “grief meter” keeps getting reset as more and more unpleasant situations enter my life in seeming perpetuity.

In any case, here are the Top 10 Posters to hang in my cubicle before I either get laid off or quit the maddening bureaucracy that is Corporate America:

10. Work1

9. Work3

8. Work2

7. Woman1

6. Woman2

5. Woman3b

4. Ppl103.

Ppl1b

2. Ppl7b

1. Ppl4

Authentically Aurora

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How Close Forever Came

Rain WeddingMy baby brother is getting married tomorrow. Naturally, this has me thinking a lot about my own almost-wedding. Sometimes my emotions are too intense to contain internally, and at those times, poetry is my solution to maintaining some semblance of normalcy, for the sake of not only myself but also everyone around me. Here is this week’s resultant data dump from my heart to the page:

We used to read each other’s minds
I knew you inside and out
I could read every expression and
Know what you were thinking about

Now I could pass you on the street
And barely know your face
The “knowing” that we knew
Has all but been erased

How can lives so intertwined
Come so unraveled at the seams
You talked about forever
And then changed your dreams

It’s so hard to believe
How close forever came
Before you threw me back my heart
And kept your name
It’s so hard to believe
I thought I’d get my happy end
From a man stuck as a boy
Who I’ll never see again

Authentically Aurora

I Don’t Understand.

Lonely girl 2Why are people so cruel?

I don’t understand why spiteful, debilitating office politics exist.

Or why friends thoughtlessly betray their closest friends.

Or why a man proposes to a woman he claims to love and then changes his mind right before their wedding day.

Lonely girl 3Why are people so hateful?

I don’t understand why unsolicited champions suddenly become vehement enemies.

Or why stalwart protectors unexpectedly become vicious accusers.

Or why jealousy transforms previously selfless individuals into unrecognizable versions of themselves.

Lonely girl 1I don’t understand why people make other people cry.

The longer I run then the less that I find

Selling my soul for a nickel and dime

Breaking my heart to keep singing these rhymes

And losing again

…playing on repeat.

Authentically Aurora