Bachelor Bash – Week 5

That may have been the weirdest episode of “The Bachelor” ever. Which is saying something, because “The Bachelor” is a perpetual freak show.

From Carly‘s one-on-one date with the “love and sex expert”…

…to Britt‘s emotional yo-yoing over her fear of heights…

…from Jordan showing back up…

…to Kelsey‘s manipulative antics…

…I am just overwhelmed. I can’t even handle the strangeness of whatever all of that was.

So let’s focus on Megan. Because after that absolute debacle of an episode, we could all use some comic relief.

I wonder if Megan ever figured out she was still in the U.S. *Sigh.

Authentically Aurora

Bachelor Bash – Week 2

We’re only two weeks in, and already Bachelor Chris and his harem contestants have given us countless cringe-worthy quotes, producing simultaneous amusement and disgust in viewers everywhere. Here are the Top 10 Bachelor quotes so far this season!

#10 – Ashley S. [creepily hunched over a pomegranate]: “I feel so powerful right now.”

#9 – Jordan: “Jillian has the hairiest butt I’ve ever seen. It’s hairier than some of my ex-boyfriends’.”

#8 – Lacy (former Bachelorette): “We’re 80/40 on the [wedding] date.”

#7 – Megan: “The butterflies in my stomach are just… colorful and smiling!”

#6 – Whitney: “Do y’all inseminate pigs on your farm? We kind of do the same thing! I’m a fertility nurse!”

#5 – Kaitlyn: “Sometimes when I tell a joke, it makes people laugh.”

#4 – Amber: “My heart literally pumps every time I see one of those little white envelopes.”

#3 – Bachelor Chris: “I wish I was a polygamist right now.”

#2 – Kaitlyn: “You can plow the **** out of my field any day.”

#1 – MacKenzie [to the virginal Ashley I.]: “Guys like taking your virginity… I’m so jealous. I can’t even use that because I have a kid.”

#facepalm. Just… #facepalm.

Authentically Aurora