Deploy Joy

Poetry Slam

There’s a reason for every season
And a rhyme for every time of life
Our days seem so often filled with strife
But if we could learn to live
Learn to give
And just appreciate life’s beautiful mistakes
Without aching for change and shaking things up
Isn’t it enough
What we’ve got here and now
Gotta rest into the test of learning to be content
Instead of moving faster to the next chapter
Revel in the endeavor
Of finding little ways that today can deploy joy
Fight for light, and you just might
Discover hope

Authentically Aurora

P.S. Thanks to Paul for the style inspiration!

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A Tale of Two Sides

One PoundThere are two sides to every story like there are two sides to every coin.
I would love to hear your version, and I’d love to tell you mine.
You’ve decided not to trust me, so yours I may never hear,
But if you have the time and are willing to lend your ears,
I’m keen to let you in and give you a look around
My tarnished, scratched-up side of our shared, once-shiny Pound.

I’ve loved you for some time now, but I never could discern
If my affections were reciprocated, so I aimed to learn
If you could ever love me; if you knew how to let me in.
But you mistook my caring for over-sharing, and that’s where we met our end.
If only you had shown me where I really stood with you;
If you’d held my hand, I’d understand you were invested, too.

I was unsure of your affection, and that’s why I acted out.
My heart just longed to better know what your heart was all about.
The conversations that I had, supposedly behind your back,
I only had with friends to learn where your thoughts were at.
They love you well; they want your best; their heart is for your good.
And my aim was just the same as theirs: to better know you if I could.

For months and months, I prayed that you would woo me to yourself.
I prayed you would pursue me and not keep your emotions quelled.
I longed to really know you, but I always sensed you had repressed
Your true self; it seems locked deep within, and no one gains access.
I wish you’d let me love you and that you’d loved me in return.
Is letting someone love you something a closed-off heart can learn?

I’d hoped that you would trust me, but we’ve gone the other way,
To broken shards and broken hearts and broken games we play.
But now the game has ended, and the pieces have returned
To their former lives; their former selves with maybe nothing learned,
Except that love is hard and requires both parties to fight
To fan the flame, to trust, forgive and choose the harder right.

Love is a commitment and a choice we have to make.
People are messy. Life is hard. And we all make mistakes.
Christ loved even the unlovely, and we are called to do the same.
All of us, from time to time, “unlovely” status claim.
I may never fully know how you truly felt about me,
But, if nothing else, I hope you look back and remember me fondly.

I think of you, now and again, and pray for you joy and peace,
With faith we’ll say hello again when this journey is complete.

Authentically Aurora

Can’t Sleep

I need advice.
Read on for why
And then, perhaps, leave a reply.


Screen Shot 2015-05-30 at 11.41.32 PMI’m frustrated and feeling stuck.
Conflict and angst abound.
Should I break from dating?
There are suitors all around.

My heart still longs for Bryan,
Though my head is raging No.
And two long months have passed
Without much more than a mere hello.

Sweet Jared and the nerdy Grant,
Plus S, G2 and N,
Have all served as distractions
From loneliness rushing in.

But if I’m honest with myself,
I don’t yet see a man
I could see spending forever with
So I begin again.

Then men roll in, the men roll out,
And all I have to show
Is a long trail of broken hearts
And more baggage to tow.

Who gets your vote:
Bryan or the still-elusive Flynn?
Should I give a shot to Jared
Or to Nick the Strict again?

Or has the time come for this Bloggess
To accept her lot
As the first date everybody wants;
Then the girlfriend they forgot?

Perhaps I am a “reason” girl –
Not just single for a time,
But single for a reason
Obvious to all eyes but mine.

I wish I’d found a remedy;
A way to dull the pain
Apart from dating four at once
To feel desirable again.

I know Jesus in the answer,
But He feels so far away.
And I know His timing’s perfect
But sometimes it’s hard to wait.

I think Bryan’s what I want
But maybe Jared’s what I need.
Bryan’s exciting; Jared’s kind…
But kind of boring. Would I mind?

Okay, dear readers. Share your thoughts,
But kind like Jared be.
I welcome your opinions
As I lay bare my heart for all to see.

Authentically Aurora

Dragon’s Hide

Dragon PrincessYou almost convinced me you were safe.

You almost had me trusting you.

But one mistake is all it takes

And now I’m on to you.

I remember now why my walls are up.

I remember why I’m alone.

My mind stands guard as my heart’s sentry

And no prince or pauper will gain entry.

If I let you in, you’ll steal my heart

And dash off on another quest.

You’ll vanish into nothingness

Just like all the rest.

My marble tower is cold but safe

With armor, you can’t wound me

You alone may see the princess inside

But you can’t pierce this dragon’s hide.

You alone may see the girl within

But my heart won’t abide being hurt again.

Authentically Aurora

How Close Forever Came

Rain WeddingMy baby brother is getting married tomorrow. Naturally, this has me thinking a lot about my own almost-wedding. Sometimes my emotions are too intense to contain internally, and at those times, poetry is my solution to maintaining some semblance of normalcy, for the sake of not only myself but also everyone around me. Here is this week’s resultant data dump from my heart to the page:

We used to read each other’s minds
I knew you inside and out
I could read every expression and
Know what you were thinking about

Now I could pass you on the street
And barely know your face
The “knowing” that we knew
Has all but been erased

How can lives so intertwined
Come so unraveled at the seams
You talked about forever
And then changed your dreams

It’s so hard to believe
How close forever came
Before you threw me back my heart
And kept your name
It’s so hard to believe
I thought I’d get my happy end
From a man stuck as a boy
Who I’ll never see again

Authentically Aurora