I’ve heard there is a misperception among boys that girls poop glitter and rainbows. Sorry to burst your bubble, guys, but that is sadly not the case. At least, not most of the time. But this week, I became a magical unicorn and succeeded in pooping glitter.
For my birthday earlier this year, my mom gave me some fabulous glitter bobby pins in every color of the rainbow. In case the title of this post didn’t give it away, I’m secretly eight years old on the inside. So, naturally, I tried them out this week: yellow glitter bobby pins with gold hoop earrings and a burgundy sweater over dark skinny jeans.
Unfortunately, I was running late that particular morning, so I was eating my go-to breakfast of Greek yogurt while fixing my hair. And while eating my yogurt and simultaneously fixing my hair, I discovered that the adhesive on my fabulous glitter bobby pins was not entirely effective.
The result: Delicious banana-flavored Greek yogurt covered in gold glitter.
Being a single woman in her twenties with an active social life, I don’t get to the grocery store much, so my perishables are carefully portioned out to last a couple of weeks before my next “milk and everything else” run. So I looked down at my glittery yogurt, looked up at myself in the bathroom mirror, sighed… and ate it anyway.
Mom, I hope those bobby pins weren’t made in China because, if so, there’s no telling what I just ingested or what “magical unicorn properties” I might develop!