Vice President Fabio

FabioMy department at work just got a new VP – a Swiss guy named Fabian something-or-other, but everyone keeps calling him “Fabio”, which of course reminds me of this guy… who I have in fact met in person. But that’s a story for another day.

Today’s story is about how freaking awesome our new VP is. True, he’s a terrible public speaker (what corporate Vice President starts his speech with, “I’m really nervous right now”?), but the things he says are definitely¬†quotable. Like, for instance:

“Collectively, our department is a bunch of process bureaucrats.” [this not said affectionately]

“Having internal stakeholders? This is high level bullshit talk.” [i.e. our stakeholders are our stockholders, not our internal management]

“If somebody gives you a stupid request, in the nicest way possible, tell them to ‘bugger off’.” [Yes! Where have you been all my life?!]

Bonus: Imagine all of these statements made in a thick Swiss German accent.

I’ve decided that despite his terrible public speaking skills and lack of Fabio-like hair, I actually really like this guy. He is anti-process bureaucrats and “high level bullshit talk”. That’s a VP I can get on board with. Onward, Fabio!

Authentically Aurora