I’m Dreaming of a Wh- Wait, What?

Most nights I sleep soundly, my consciousness wrapped snugly in the velvety blackness of slumber, not to wake until the gentle rays of morning light permeate my eyelids and my lashes flutter open to greet the day.

Last night was not such a night. Last night, I jolted into consciousness on three separate occasions from three separate nightmares.

But I’m not stressed at all. 

*twitch, twitch*

Around midnight, I jerked awake an instant before my rental car slammed into the back of the vehicle in front of me.

A few hours later, my dreams transported me back to my childhood bathroom, where I kept trying to apply deodorant, but there was none left in the stick. I looked down to the floor, and there was the remainder of the deodorant, having fallen out of the tube.

Then, around 4am, I tore myself from sleep to escape the nightmare of being late to school. Because that’s a totally reasonable nightmare for a nearly-30 working professional to have.

According to DreamsCloud, I am apparently in emotional distress and feeling loss of control because a plan or project is facing unforeseen obstacles (my career), as well as feeling growing distance to my family (parents are now grandparents; brothers are engrossed in married lives), and I sense an inability to deliver on the tasks ahead of me and subsequent evaluations and judgments of my worth (upcoming interview).

No big deal. Just another day in the life of…

Authentically Aurora

Tired.

Have you ever felt like you are in an endless season of change; that every part of your life is in continual flux? Have you ever felt completely devoid of stability with no steady ground in sight?

That has been my reality for the past year. I had hoped that 2015 would provide more stability than 2014, but that just hasn’t been the case.

In January, I was in a car wreck and spent six weeks trying to get my car repaired and work out payment from insurance.

In February, I bought a new car and started a new job with a new team in a new office across town. I’m still getting used to the extra hour added to my commute.

In March, I joined a new church, turned another year older, and spent half the month living out of a suitcase.

In April, I ended a six-month relationship and was offered a contract to pursue a career in acting.

In May, the emotional upheaval continued when I ran into my ex-fiance for the first time since the week of our wedding; then went on dates with 20973143.5 new suitors, while continuing to receive weekly calls from Bryan.

In June, I will be moving to a new apartment across town and spending another two weeks living out of a suitcase.

Maybe that doesn’t sound like a lot. No one is dying, and I have a great support system. But it feels like a lot. Don’t get me wrong; I have a great life. Some of these changes were wonderful blessings, and change can be a great thing. But I am so ready for life to settle down. I know I’m in my twenties and should be young and full of exuberance, but I am TIRED. In every way – physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually – I am worn out.

I am no longer coaching math or teaching Sunday school – I recently stepped down from those roles – and my graphic design classes end in two weeks, so I should have a lot more free time to recharge soon. I have a family reunion later in May and a trip to London planned in June, but once July hits, I’m hoping that I will finally be able to REST.

I can’t give what I don’t have, and if I don’t take the time to recharge, I won’t have any emotional energy to give to my friends and family, the kids I serve, the boss I respect, or the man I love… assuming he enters the picture at some point. So I’m going to rest.

That’s the plan anyway.

Authentically Aurora